Saturday, June 13, 2009

G.I Joe...from my corner

I've read Deceptisean's post, and I gotta say, I got to weigh in on what's going on. I clicked the link with the full story, and I now have a bellyful of bile I have to blast. Nothing to do with the story (though it doesn't surprise me), but with the remarks left afterward by one George "El Guapo" Roush:


"One thing that isn't true is the movie not tracking well. It's actually tracking very well which is great.

You don't need to Google far for the Action Man bit since I was the one who got the exclusive and interviewed Lorenzo when he first brought it to everyone's attention about Action Man possibly being in the film. (Although heaven forbid anyone link to me.)

I've heard through various sources that this story is true. That the film has had problems. But that's what happens when you put people on a project they know nothing about.

Still, it's a movie I'm looking forward to seeing. Minus the dipshit accelerator suits, I'm kind of psyched to see G.I. Joe. I've been to the set and it was pretty bad ass. I'm just hoping it isn't the train wreck everyone is making it out to be. Yes, the movie is geared towards the 10-12 year old crowd, but isn't that how old most of us were that were into G.I. Joe in the first place? Somehow we liked it back then and the cartoon is pretty damn goofy if you watch it again as an adult. What is it you're expecting? A live action Shipwreck to run around firing a laser gun with a fucking parrot on his shoulder?

What sucks is everyone posting how bad this film is when they've never seen it, which is typical internet bullshit when you're able to safely hide behind the anonymity of your keyboard. You can certainly say a film looks bad, and that you hate the director, etc. etc., but to say the film actually is bad based off a trailer and some TV spots? C'mon guys. Wait until the film is out, you've seen it with your own two eyes, then state your opinion.

In the meantime, do what I do - make fun of those stupid fucking accelerator suits."

I'm going to list my grievances, paragraph by paragraph.

1. Well, the story just run said it wasn't tracking well. You're contradicting your own reporting? Or is that someone else's reporting? Where are your facts? You think just because you have a nickname like "El Guapo" (and yes, I saw The Three Amigo's in the theatre, numbnuts), that makes you some sort of journalist?

2. Thank you for clearing up that you had the exclusive on the Action Man saga. Because you know, I was losing sleep over who had the exclusive on that. Seriously.

3. So, how can you be excited about a movie based on a franchise, when they don't know anything about the series? Are you implying that they don't need to know anything about the mythology of the product before they start making a movie out of it? Good logic.

4(a). Bad ass? What's bad ass? Can you tell me what bad ass is? Because, I've seen the set of Terminator, and I've seen the the set of Angels and Demons, and both were impressive, for what they were trying to accomplish. Bad ass is not a good description of a movie set, it's a description of someone who is experiencing problems with their posterior.

4(b). I am no longer 10-12 years old, and even when I was, I wasn't thinking like a 10-12 year old. In fact, I was younger, and enjoyed G.I.Joe. That doesn't mean I don't want a G.I. Joe movie that's intelligent to me. I wasn't a moron at 10-12, unlike you obviously, "El Guapo."

4(c). Yes, I want to see Shipwreck with the parrot. I want to see Destro with the metal helmet. I want to see Zartan with the disguises. I want to see all that schtick, because that's G.I. Joe. I love this generation man, just love it. I mean, they think everything's stupid. Let's make a movie about Shakespeare, but not have him write plays, because that's stupid, plays are stupid and writing plays are stupid. Let's have him screw numerous women instead. I mean, thank God none of these people are lawyers...could you imagine it? "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, the defendant is guilty because he works at nuclear science laboratory, and that's stupid. You're honor, that's my case."

5. My friend, you do the same thing. You sit there, behind your keyboard, and judge every single film before a single frame of film is showed to the general public. To decry against those others who do makes you a hypocrite, and I hate hypocrites.

6. The accelerator suits? But I thought you were looking forward to G.I. Joe! I thought the set was bad ass! Oh right!! You want to still look cool and still kind of diss the movie anyway, because when it does come out and drop a giant egg, like it looks like, you want to point back on your post and say "see, I wasn't really pumped up for it, I was making fun of the Accelerator Suits." Congrats, you gutless cretin.

The whole point of this exercise is to point out something obvious: the majority of people who post for movie websites, be it JoBlo, Ain'tItCoolNews, Latino Review, and all the rest, are just a bunch of flabby fanboys who go along with whatever they think is cool, without the benefit of logic or reason. Please, when you read their posts, take it with more than a grain of salt; take it with a truckload.

I bid thee a fond good night (except for "El Guapo", of course).

- Stephenstein

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