Thursday, August 20, 2009

Avatar Day -- why it pisses me off



Is it me, or is this Avatar Day thing frickin’ stupid? I mean, I honestly don’t understand going through the trouble of showing only 16 or so minutes of the movie in only 100 IMAX theatres across the country for free. a.) you have to get the tickets off of only ONE site in all the internet, and of course that one site was prone to crashing every two seconds, b.) to me, by doing this, they’re only catering to die-hard geeks who are going to see this movie anyway. They’re the only ones who would camp out on a website for hours, clicking "refresh" every minute (or second) and get their tickets, get excited about seeing 16 minutes of something, and they’re also the only ones who would watch the movie guaranteed on opening day with or without hype, so the whole exercise seems like a giant waste of money, c.) word-of-mouth hype springing from this Avatar Day is a wash-up because who listens to movie-geeks anyway??? Nobody listened when I said Transformers sucked and TF2 would amplify the stupid humour even more so, d.) why in the hell would I want to go out of my way, set aside time one night and drive out to see what is essentially a frickin’ commercial for Avatar? It’s not even feature length. I don’t care if it’s “free”. Is Fox also going to pay me gas money and give me my time back? Unlike these unwashed super-douches who are all excited over watching a measley 16 minutes of a movie that will be old news this time next year, I actually have a life. I can’t be setting aside time to watch 16 minutes of something in a movie theatre. What am I going to do afterward? I’d watch a movie, but then that requires another $11.00 of my money.

I have a crazy idea. It’s so crazy, it just might work. I don’t know if I should tell you, it’s that crazy. I don’t know. Should I? Okay, here goes: RELEASE TRAILERS IN THEATRES AND ONLINE SO THAT I CAN ACTUALLY SEE THEM CONVENIENTLY WHENEVER I WANT TO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why am I forced to go out of my way to watch your commercial? This ain’t Star Wars. Bring the hype TO ME!!! Fox better get their arses in gear quickly, because right now when I talk about Avatar at work or wherever, people have no clue what I’m talking about. Seriously. People at large don’t know what Avatar is. Honestly. Unless you’re a geek who visits joblo.com or whatever and are going to see Avatar anyway, the mass audience doesn’t know what Avatar is, and if they do, they think it’s The Last Airbender. This Avatar Day only penetrates geeks. Horray! Good for you. Getting geeks excited by blurry CGI aliens and spaceships is like shooting ducks in a barrel.

And another thing, and I know this is tantamount to sacrilege, but I’m getting a little sick and tired of these sniveling filmmakers bellyaching about their vision on the big screen. Avatar is in some new fandangled 3D process and James Cameron wants you to watch it on IMAX 3D, the only “true” vision of his “work”, which is why he wants everyone to preview the movie in IMAX theatres in 3D on this Avatar Day. Oh, he does, does he? Listen, filmmakers have to get with the 21st Century. In the average lifespan of a movie (which is seemingly infinite), a movie will be watched on TV, computer screens, tiny iPods and whatever other screens they come up with in the future waaaaaaaaaay more so than on a movie theatre screen. I don’t know about you, but I don’t have a movie theatre at home. No matter how big your TV screen is it ain’t comparin’ to an average movie theatre screen, let alone an IMAX one. Movies need to be able to hold up on whatever screen you can see it on. If your movie needs IMAX and gimmicky 3D for me to watch your movie, than you SUCK! If your movie can’t hold up on anything other than a movie theatre screen, then back to the drawing board with you! And let’s face facts: 3D is a gimmick. It’s cool and all in moderation, I suppose, but you don’t need it to tell a story. If Avatar sucks without 3D, then it sucks outright. I’m willing to bet that it doesn’t need the 3D gimmick to be enjoyed by audiences as I’m sure the story is very good (this ain’t Michael Bay we’re talking about here), but James Cameron’s insistence that 3D is necessary is annoying at best. The only way that 3D can be the wave of the future is if you don’t need glasses to watch it. Until then, it’s a gimmick. End of story.

Anyways, that’s my Avatar Day hype. Summary: Fox, give us actual movie trailers! And stop being dicks.

Deceptisean

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